Playing Catch Up

I was raised by a preset of societal norms and expectations in the name of proper education.

At the time, it seemed to have fit me best. I was never questioning, I was never critical, and I accepted all that was taught onto me by default. I never challenged the status quo, I never wanted to deviate from the ideal stance.

That would have been alright and well except for the fact that my values evolve as I become more in touch with myself, and I had to unlearn everything I know about societal norms and expectations.

And I’m suddenly in middle school again, trying to play catch up with my friends who are now in their twenties and seem to have less of a problem in building relationships, meeting people, and socializing in situations that are outside formal institutional settings.

Unlearning and relearning the ropes is a tough process, especially when everyone seems ahead of you in the game. I fought to suppress it for a while, to try and logically learn about how people normally act at my age and just jump through the process.

Until I realized I couldn’t do that. I wish there was a shortcut because I just feel horribly immature around the people I interact with. But then I realize it’s a process, and I would have to go through it nevertheless, just–in my best friend’s words–at “warp speed”.

So I’ll let my heart skip a beat, I’ll let my stomach flutter. I’ll stumble and fumble and catch myself when I stutter. I’ll allow myself to smile at a text and daydream of the next.

I’ll embrace the process and live in it. Hopefully, I’ll catch up with you guys soon.

On repeat: In The Heights soundtrack

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