More often than not, I come across thoughts aren’t conventional or acceptable to the general public, or at least to the very society I reside in. Over time, I have learned to censor myself more and more, resorting to not expressing my real thoughts and emotions except to the very closest and dearest of friends…occasionally. It’s all good and well—because I’m positioning myself in a safe spot that does not take sides on controversial topics. After a while, though, I’m left with nothing but the feeling of being empty. It’s like I’m hoping to offer something to the world when I’m concealing basically everything I trust and believe in.
I realize now that what I am might not be the world’s most sought after need, not guaranteeing that what I am will be received positively by everyone. No matter how much I try to conform to create work that will be popularly accepted, my results always end up being different. Just as how two artists can never make an absolutely identical painting, my take and my work are mine to offer. Carving out my own path in a well-guided landscape is challenging, especially when I’m on a highway with an “ideal” destination in plain sight. But this is where I slam the brakes and turn to the field next to the road filled with weeds. It’s about time to take a deep breath and tread onto the unknown.
It’s six weeks later (nine since I last wrote about my confusion) and I have one professor to thank for convincing me that being true to myself is the way to go. Despite living in a world that seems everything but genuine, I’ll figure it out. It’s a rocky journey and I’ve only started heading off, but, hey. Time to venture out!
Blueaholic is listening to: SUPERFRUIT, Mary Lambert, Brian Justin Crum, Mario Jose – RISE
(Can’t write my story / I’m beyond the archetype / I won’t just conform)